I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
