i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
