this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
