Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
