sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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