we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
