I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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