Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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