who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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