Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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