i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
