I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think I died a long time ago.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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