I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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