I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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