matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
