I accidentally had phone sex last night
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
