All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
