I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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