She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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