who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
