U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
