you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
