Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
