Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
