Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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