I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
