And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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