well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
