No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
