I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
His nipple licking is glorious
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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