i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize