just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize