When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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