mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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