This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
