We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
