I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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