my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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