doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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