I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
