i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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