haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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