Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
