Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
