I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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