I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
