FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
