Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize