Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
