there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
