I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
