I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
