This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
