Whats the glycemic index on semen?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
