You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
