I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize