At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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