Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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