I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
