Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
