He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
