You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
