life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
