if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize