i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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