Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
