he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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