So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
